My real life vampire story

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My real life vampire story
Photo by Brandon Satterwhite
As many of you who follow my blog know, I am in a state of transition, of transformation, and a part of this spiritual awakening for me involves bridging my external reality with my internal reality.
So when I became aware that a ‘friendship’ with a fellow human being was somewhat destructive and toxic to my very being, I realised that this was an opportunity to live according to my principles, to live authentically and not lie any longer. Furthermore, the longer the friendship carried on and I was within her energy field, the more I was pulled in to all the toxicity and negativity of her thoughts, her words, her self-created drama. This relationship was unhealthy for me and I started seeing her as a vampire, somebody who sucked my energy dry.
I also felt great resentment toward her because I felt I could not be myself with her. I couldn’t be honest with her because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings (yes, unfortunately even I hid behind social niceties). I wasn’t being authentic with her and I knew it. The only thing was, she didn’t. She enjoyed having a sounding board, someone she could feed all of the negative energy too without ever worrying about the advice. And I did try to give her advice except she never ever listened. And I came to realise that those who gave her advice were shot down. She even refused to listen to child psychologists about the the development of her own children. So if she ws refusing professional advice, she wasn’t going to listen to me – and she didn’t!
When I moved up North, I decided to let go of this person and to part ways. I became like one of those commitment-phobic guys who don’t break up with you directly – I stopped calling and coming around – just cut off the friendship cold-turkey. So when I received an email from her wanting to know why I hadn’t said goodbye after spending so much time together, I wasn’t surprised.
So I wrote my response, as honestly as I could and trying not to cut her deeply, but knowing full well that no matter which way I looked at it, the truth would always hurt her. Especially if you are like her, and you’re not expecting to hear it, and especially when you have lived a life cutting people out of your life who have been brave enough to hold that mirror up to you. She was going to end the friendship in one way or the other, as I had often heard her stories, of people who did not agree with her or submit to her. And I wasn’t going to submit to her negative notions of life and the people around her any longer.
So this is what I wrote (maintaining privacy wherever I could):
Yes, I can understand why it can be confusing but I guess I needed some space and I’m sorry if the way it all panned out hurt you in any way.
 
To be truthful, I felt that the friendship wasn’t working for me – each time you shared your negative feelings about anything, I didn’t want to be a part of the whole vibe and it’s too much drama for me. I get that you needed to vent about your husband’s mum, his sisters, your mum, his friends etc but I also think that you need to reflect and be more aware of how you contribute to all of the drama (fights, anger, negativity) that was occurring with your friends and family. What I’m saying is, is that I needed to cut that out of my life because it wasn’t constructive to me.
I started feeling that you were wrong on a lot of the occasions. I started feeling that you were selfish. I didn’t agree on the way you were parenting and I started feeling like all you cared about was yourself – with no regard to anyone else’s feelings. As you can see, all of this resentment wasn’t constructive to me – and I was trying to avoid admitting them to you because they are hurtful to hear. And if I’ve learnt anything – when someone is honest with YOU, {deleted name for privacy reasons] – you get really really angry. So me turning and just walking away was to save myself from having to be truly and completely honest like this. But considering that you want to know why, I figured I may as well be totally honest.
I’m not sure if I can be more specific without using words that sound hurtful. That was never my intention. But just to be clear, this isn’t about your husband or Ben, it was about the dynamic between you and me.
I hope that life sways more favourably in your direction and I hope that whatever happens, you learn to find true happiness.
Jen ox

 

As you can see piercing words but words that needed to be said. I needed to be real with her and I needed to remain true to myself. To live the authentic life I am trying to live. Even if that meant telling the truth, when the truth would hurt.
NB: those of you who are interested in what happened next, let’s just say I have yet to receive a reply – and thus, I make the assumption that the truth was indeed a hard pill for her to swallow.

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